Monday, September 16, 2002

My mother-in-law (m.i.l) came for the weekend from Santa Maria, CA. She wanted to visit my sister-in-law, Lisa. Lisa didn't want to see her. Long story. Because of this, she had to spend the night in my home. From the moment that my m.i.l arrived in my house, she started cleaning. My house wasn't perfectly cleaned, but not dirty enough to warrant this woman's assault. My husband and I protested and told her to sit down, and we tried to wait on her, but it made no affect. She redid my whole kitchen, she swept and mopped, and lots of other little things, all to hurt me, and to make me feel useless.

Nothing I have ever done has been good enough for her. She takes her bitterness about her own failed marriage against me. When we lived with her, she was the same with, but she did it with a smile. A large condescending smile. Let me explain.


When my first son was born, we went to live with my m.i.l because we didn't have enough space in our studio. She let us live there. The whole time, my husband's grandmother spoke rudely to me under her breath. Calling me names, and my husband didn't believe me until my sister-in-law heard her and asked her to stop. It was hell. During this time, my m.i.l wouldn't say anything to the abuse, and said, oh, she is just an old woman. It didn't matter what it was, my m.i.l would have things to say to me, and my husband never said a word in my defense. To him, his mother is holy. Even when he sees that she is doing wrong, and I have him admit to me that she is doing something wrong, he won't tell her or call her on her error. He stays silent.


We moved out a few short months later. Then when my second son was born, we had to move in with her again, this time because we were waiting for a bigger apartment to become available. My husband's grandmother was worse this time. She wouldn't touch my children-her great grandchildren, and would openly ignore them. I wouldn't have minded so much if not for the fact that she gave so much love to her other great grandchildren. I would lay my son on the couch on top of his blanket, and if I would pick him up, she would walk up, and throw his blanket on the ground and say that it was taking up space. On a normal couch, I would concede to her, but this couch was one of those that wrap around two walls. They would walk into my room, which was suposed to be private and look through my things. I cried to both my mother in law and to her mother to stop treating me so meanly, but nothing changed. We moved out, and I was so relieved.


I don't understand how people can be this way. I had nothing to do with the fact that my mother had an affair with my father-in-law. I would change things if I could, but I will be forever branded as the daughter of the adultress, the homewrecker. I can still hear my husband's grandmother say, "tal la madre, tal la hija," which means, "like mother, like daughter."