Monday, November 18, 2002

Still Alive

I have not been writing in my journal, as is quite evident. I have not been having a good time in my life. I have had problems with my husband, money is non-existant, and its hard enough dealing with my children when there is food in the house, horrible when there isn't. I wish I were exaggerating. It breaks my heart when I want to give my sons milk and juice, and all I can give them is water mixed with some Kool-Aid. But I used the last package yesterday, so water will have to do till my husband gets paid on Thursday. The diapers will not last till pay-day so I am counting on my children to use the potty as I have been training them to. *sighs* They aren't happy with the potty, yet they get jealous of the one who sits on it.


We did have a small miracle. One of my husband's workers bought a new washer and gave us his old one. Its super old, its an avocado color ( 70's anyone?), and makes some noise, but it washes clothes wonderfully. We usually have to go to a laundramat that robs everyone. Now, we can wash clothes at home and dry them outside, or at my father-in-law's house. We will have to pay slightly more for water each month, but I know it will be significantly less than the $20 dollars we currently use everytime we launder.


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Everyone tells me I should be happy. I have two wonderful children, and a husband, and a house to live in, and that it should be enough because it is more than some people have. This is all true, but I am depressed. I cannot help it, though I have tried. I am UNHAPPY. I also want to say that my stating my unhappiness is not a request to fix me, or to make things better. I just want to be understood.