Saturday, December 14, 2002

I am currently seperated. Truly and literally. More on this later. Still dazed, hurt, happy, sad, confuzed, and bewildered and a lot scared.

My husband and I got seperated. There has been so much drama in the last couple of days that I haven't felt like writing about it. The night before we seperated, I wrote this :


My mother's return to my life was marked with a bitter betrayal. I became a beast again, wanted to lash out at the world. The same beast thathad cut her own flesh and punched her fists into the walls, has had me screaming at those I love.


My husband has yet again lain with another woman. I don't have his admission on this latest indesretion, but it fits the pattern of his previous affairs. This time he had "her" call him at his father's house at a specific time. (1pm) He even told my sister in law that he was expecting a call. I won't go into the details. In the end, I confronted him and he denied it, but I just couldn't stomach the lies and the half truths. (end)


So after I wrote that, my husband wouldn't leave me alone. He came at me and wanted to force me to talk to him. He chased me whereever I went, and wouldn't stop. Finally, I locked myself in the bathroom and he sat on the other side and started talking to me. He apologized and begged me to talk to him. I finally started responded with my hurt and my rebuttals.


The thing is that admist all this chasing, and this screaming, I screamed at my mother. I yelled at her so badly that she literally flinched. I felt like punching people and things. Thank god I didn't feel this towards my sons. I couldn't ever harm them. I held them close and kissed them, and gave them to my mother.