Saturday, December 21, 2002

Jesse still hasn't found a place to live and he's been staying in his brother's van. I told him he could stay in the house. I am not cruel. It has been very cold lately, and the nights are freezing. There has even been snow in the mountains. My husband has expressed his need to have sex with me, and I get irritated because he pushes himself on me, and gropes me when I pass by. He tries to force me to kiss him and touch him. But its my fault for inviting him back inside. We are still seperating, but he can't afford an apartment yet because all the last check has gone to the mortgage on the house. I am not exactly immune to him either. I have made no bones about my sexual appetite in my journal, and its frustrating as hell not to have sex. The longest I have been without sex is the mandatory 6 weeks after giving birth to my sons. NO, that's not true, even that I cut short to 4.5 weeks. So while I rebuff his advances, inside I am saying, TAKE ME NOW. *laughs and turn red* He knows how I am and he perversely takes pleasure in my misery.

BLAH.


My brother in law, the one with the two boys has been living with my father-in-law. He brought his boys with him, and they are going to be living there permanently. This has made me very happy. I am glad to see the boys have a steady environment and a warm place to sleep. My bro-in-law even signed them up for school. *smiles* and the extra PLUS, is that his boys make great playmates for my sons. They are much older, but they are patient with Micael and Eleazar.