Time Travel - A Poem

for my sons

If I were given the chance to live again
To feel the pure love of a mother and father
To revel with the friends I never had
To run where my heart wished to
And meet a true love

If I were given an elixir
To make the past disappear
To remove the pains of my youth
To erase the sorrows that destroyed my faith
And look at life with a smooth brow

If I were granted the power
To change one moment of my story
To alter the course of my existence
To explore new universes
And all that it would entail

I would refuse the gift
I would refuse it every time
I would slam the door on the salesman
I would stub the toe of the scientist
I would curse the witch
And free the genie

Because in choosing a new past
I would lose my future
I would lose you
I would lose the happiest days of my life
And the reason I felt it was worth living

Your love shines through me like the piercing rays of the morning
Your smile envelops me like a coat on a cold day
Every second of your existence fills my consciousness with awareness
Every moment in your presence makes my heart burst with love
And your every word is engraved more indelibly than sacred text

How could I love you so much?
How could I not?
And how could I ever wish away
Anything
Everything
that led to your creation?

Star-Crossed - A Poem

In concentric circles we moved
Never touching in our self-centered orbits
The inertial gaze of our eyes focused on opposing wants
Oblivious of the other's existence

Then the Fates erred in cruel neglect
Crossed our lines and thrust our destinies together
We were never meant to travel life as one
Our stars were far too volatile to share this gravity

Inexorably and inevitably we clashed
As the Titans against the Olympians
Our Golden Age was headed for the end
And we were helpless to stymie the fall

In supernova splendor our joining had been heralded
The universe reeled when our auras entwined
But just as awesome was our implosion
And the black hole that left our union in tatters

Too Much

I think too much, my darling
Every second is consumed
With musings and conjecture
Every hour passes a sentence
On my lascivious heart

I feel too much, my darling
The ups and downs of your every smile
Move my emotions as deftly as a puppeteer
Anesthetize my soul with a kiss
Quiet my conscience with sweet whispers

Reach your arms around me, darling
Hold me close for I fear so many things
Only the warmth of your embrace keeps me sane
Only the power of your eyes makes me forget
All the reasons why this shouldn't be

Reach your arms around me, darling
Patch the holes of my psyche
Don't let go, love,
I don't know how long I have
before I crack again

El Conquistador - A Poem in Spanish - December 8, 2007

Ese gringo invadió mis tierras
Crusó la frontera
Subió mis montañas
Y enterró su bandera en sus cumbres

Ese gringo dejó sus huellas
En el llano de mi existencia
Clavó su hacha en mis muros
Y minó los diamantes de mis cuevas

Y cuando ese gringo alcanzó mis playas
y se tiró en mis aguas
Al punto de ahogarse
Yo, con compasión
Le di, también, mi aire.

Self-Realizations - Entry for December 01, 2007

I am needy
I am not high maintenance
I am loving
I am not spiteful
I am empathetic
I am not clingy
I am smart
I am not arrogant
I am high strung
I am not crazy
I am soft-spoken
I am not a push-over
I am shy
I am not quiet
I am sad
I am not depressed
I am giggly
I am not high
I am beautiful
I am not a beauty
I am overweight
I am not a monster
I am angry
I am not violent
I am overwrought
I am not overworked
I am strong
I am not invincible
I am stressed
I am not giving up

I am Vanessa
I am not what you want me to be